boomer

Meta What?

Posted on by bgeren

I recently read that over the course of a year couples spend about 1,095 hours together (non-sleeping).  If that is true then my husband and I spend approximately 109 hours or 4 ½ days a year searching for one other.  Yep, sounds about right.

I feel the blame lies squarely on his shoulders as he tends to wander.  I’m sure he would say the fault is mine.  We have lost each other in nearly every store we have entered.  We’ve taken different turns in museums, farmers markets, art fairs and sometimes lose each other at parties.  I flat out refuse to step foot into Costco with him unless I have verified that (1) he has his cell and (2) the ringer volume is set to deafening and (3) I am in possession of the car key. 

Recently I lost him at an outpatient surgery center.   He was my designated post-surgery driver and I could not check in without him.  Suffice it to say I had to sit in the exam room for a while until my blood pressure lowered to normal and the anesthesiologist felt comfortable inserting my IV.

I’ve become adept at the Garv search, looking up and down aisles, scanning over the tops of people’s heads (he’s tall which helps in my searches) and on occasion just obnoxiously yelling his name. 

A few nights ago an unexpected wrinkle appeared in the rules of this marital hide and seek.  Just as we started upstairs to bed Garv said, “Guess where I’ve been.”  And step by step, the conversation went like this:

Continue reading “Meta What?”
Share

Those Young Whippersnappers at the Parks Department

Posted on by bgeren

Last fall during an open forum held by our city’s Mayor, I made a humble request of our Park Director. I asked if programs could be added to appeal to those of us over 50. He publically assured me that his team would make a “concentrated effort” to add programs for my age group. Then he proudly announced that six new pickleball courts were recently installed at one of our parks.

Having just read the latest issue of my park’s Fun Guide, I am revisiting that night in my memory. Was the lighting in the conference room that harsh? Did I not sleep well the night before? Did I borrow my mother’s lavender Alfred Dunner polyester, elastic waistband pants to wear that night? I don’t know what exactly, but something I said or did evidently prompted the Park Director to jot in his notepad: “Note to self: plan park programs for senior citizens.”

True to his word, there is a section in the guide titled “50 or Better”. After a quick review it is obvious “concentrated efforts” focused more on the “Better” side of “50 or Better”.

Here are some of the programs being offered.

 Lunch & Learn: Cremation –Join us for lunch as we discuss the growing popularity of cremation.

Yikes! No thanks. While I don’t want to tempt fate, I assume I have another twenty years or so before I need to pre-plan my funeral. And if I asked my boss for an extended lunch hour to learn about cremation it would likely give her pause to consider my long term commitment to the company.

Tai Chi is offered from 10 – 11 am on Mondays and Wednesdays. Or, you may enroll in Beginning Line Dancing , held from 2:30-3:30 pm on Fridays. Oh but for that pesky 40 hour work thing again.

But, here is my favorite offering.

Continue reading “Those Young Whippersnappers at the Parks Department”


Share

A Writing Workshop

Posted on by bgeren

Typewriter

I clicked the “Pay Now” button to enroll in a Women’s Non-Fiction Writing Workshop offered by the Indiana Writers Center. Immediately the fight or flight portion of my brain fired up, alerting Fannie Fearful. (Fannie lives in my head. She’s in charge of making sure my comfort zone stays very small and safe.) Fannie’s an expert in warning me how situations will not go well. She began to rant.

“This workshop’s for younger women. They’ll show up wearing lululemon and their phones will constantly ping with texts, tweets and play date reminders. They’ll write about their young children, difficult husbands and how they can’t find rewarding work related to their Masters degrees.”

“WE’LL BE OUTSIDERS!”

“WE’LL REMIND THEM OF THEIR MOTHERS…WEARING OUR ADIDAS SWEATS AND KEDS!”

“THEY’LL ROLL THEIR EYES WHEN WE SHARE OUR WRITING!”

 In an effort to calm Fannie, I made her a deal. I told her we would go to the workshop and if she was right, we’d never go back.

Continue reading “A Writing Workshop”


Share

My Friend Made the Cover of Time

Posted on by bgeren

Barbie

A childhood friend of mine recently made the cover of Time magazine. It seems she’s had some “work done”. I would still recognize her by her long, platinum blonde hair and blue eyes. But her face has changed with plumper cheeks and a softer chin. One could describe my aging face in the same manner, but she flat out wears it better. I can’t help noticing that her bust is smaller or maybe it just looks that way due to her expanded waistline. And her derriere? Well, as most of us over fifty can attest, her new bottom line will not age well.

I was sad to discover the cover photo credit did not belong to Annie Leibovitz;  she does a magnificent job capturing the essence of cultural legends. Perhaps Time asked her, but she declined in order to stay clear of the controversy constantly swirling around Barbie. The controversy stems from a theory that Barbie has the power to plant a seeds in little girls’ minds that self-worth lies in a small waist, large breasts and straight, blonde hair. If these seeds take root, it may cause a young girl to see herself as worthless when she discovers she cannot attain physical perfection.

Well, if nothing else Barbie has expanded the definition of plastic surgery.  I find it a little sad and ironic that ultimately she caved to pressure, altering herself to better align with society’s definition of beauty.   And wasn’t that the crux of the original controversy?

For several years I spent nearly all of my free time with Barbie. But, as sometimes happens with childhood friends, we drifted apart. I needed to meet new friends and expand my world. Barbie was happy with her life just the way it was. So we went our separate ways with no ill feelings and I always held a deep appreciation for our friendship.

Continue reading “My Friend Made the Cover of Time”


Share

The Sony Walkman: No Hidden Costs

Posted on by bgeren

Garv likes to listen to music while puttering in the garage, weeding the gardens and especially on weekend mornings, sitting on the patio sipping tea and devouring newsprint. So, for his birthday present I wanted to give him one of those wireless speakers that release such sublime acoustics it sounds like you are in front of live musicians.

I began my research. Which brand would be best? Is the speaker completely wireless with a rechargeable battery and optional power cord? Which devices will it pair with: tablet, phone, computer, TV? Will he use his own music library or stream?  I didn’t want to spend the time to weigh the pros and cons of all the variables so I asked my kids if they would figure it all out.

“Will you just pick out the speaker, set it up and figure out the best music option?” I asked in my most pleasant mom voice.  They both looked at me as if I asked them to fold my laundry and put it away for me.

“Seriously mom?” asked my son. “You train people how to use computers. You can figure this out. It’s not difficult.”

“Yeah mom,” my daughter added, “you just pair the speaker and stream the music from dad’s phone or tablet.”

Request denied and I realized two things. First, my children will obviously not be coddling me in my old age. And second I knew I would have to choose, buy and setup the speaker on my own. Ok, fine!

Continue reading “The Sony Walkman: No Hidden Costs”


Share

Snowplow Tao

Posted on by bgeren

I don’t know why exactly, possibly driven by the caffeine from the espresso or maybe the loveliness of fresh morning air, but as soon as we turned into our driveway I inexplicably wanted to return and lend a hand. I got out of the car, grabbed a couple of paint brushes and got behind the steering wheel. As I pulled out of the driveway, I saw Garv standing in the driveway, holding the basil, peppers and peaches we bought. He looked as confused as I was as to what had just happened.

It was the start of a typical Saturday when Garv said, “If you go to the Farmers’ Market with me, I will treat you to Starbucks”. I don’t share Garv’s enthusiasm for the Farmers’ Market but I wanted to be a good sport so I agreed. And, truth be told, I’d go just about anywhere if it entailed a Mocha! So, we drove over to Starbucks and then to our local Farmers’ Market.

We taste tested our way through the market, chatted with some neighbors and ran into some old acquaintances we once spent a lot of time with when our kids were in school.   We bought some produce and headed back to the car to leave. Just as I was about to get in the car I noticed something very out of place happening in a parking lot behind the local library.

There were people sitting cross legged on drop cloths, surrounded by gallons of paint in front of two white snow plows. Half in and half out of our car I stood there for a while trying to figure out what they were doing. I decided to walk over to inquire.

As I approached, I saw sketches on the bucket of each plow. One was a beach scene with toucans roasting snowmen marshmallows over an open fire. The other was a smash up of minions. One of the women sitting cross legged greeted me. She introduced herself as the artist and a teacher at one of our middle schools. She explained how the local Arts Council had underwritten a grant for two of the city’s plows to be painted every year. The first two plows completed the previous summer survived the winter favorably with little chipping or corrosion. So they were now painting the second pair of plows.

She asked if I would like to help paint. I declined saying I was not an artist. I told her I thought it was a very cool project and thanked her for her creativity and vision. We returned to our car and headed home but my mind fixated on the snowplows.

Continue reading “Snowplow Tao”


Share