I recently read that over the course of a year couples spend about 1,095 hours together (non-sleeping).  If that is true then my husband and I spend approximately 109 hours or 4 ½ days a year searching for one other.  Yep, sounds about right.

I feel the blame lies squarely on his shoulders as he tends to wander.  I’m sure he would say the fault is mine.  We have lost each other in nearly every store we have entered.  We’ve taken different turns in museums, farmers markets, art fairs and sometimes lose each other at parties.  I flat out refuse to step foot into Costco with him unless I have verified that (1) he has his cell and (2) the ringer volume is set to deafening and (3) I am in possession of the car key. 

Recently I lost him at an outpatient surgery center.   He was my designated post-surgery driver and I could not check in without him.  Suffice it to say I had to sit in the exam room for a while until my blood pressure lowered to normal and the anesthesiologist felt comfortable inserting my IV.

I’ve become adept at the Garv search, looking up and down aisles, scanning over the tops of people’s heads (he’s tall which helps in my searches) and on occasion just obnoxiously yelling his name. 

A few nights ago an unexpected wrinkle appeared in the rules of this marital hide and seek.  Just as we started upstairs to bed Garv said, “Guess where I’ve been.”  And step by step, the conversation went like this:

“Where?”

“A Foo Fighters concert.”

“You mean you watched the concert on TV?”

“No.  I watched it in the Metaverse.  Front row seats.”

“How do you know about the Metaverse?” (Serious change of tone here)

“I read an article in the Sunday Times.”

“How did you know how to get into the Metaverse?”

 “Kevin.” (Our adult son).  “Anyway, after the concert I went to a bar and started talking to people.  I didn’t stay long because I was embarrassed that I couldn’t figure out how to open my beer.”

Say what?  He was embarrassed because he couldn’t open his beer?  I felt dizzy with déjà vu from when my son was in Junior High and AOL chat rooms were the latest ‘advance’ in tech.  Danger Will Robinson.

Lest you think my husband had been drinking, or eating edibles or otherwise delirious, I should mention that our kids gave him an Oculus for his birthday.  Previously he innocently donned the cumbersome headset to play games and travel the world.  It enabled him to “fly” over the Grand Canyon, visit the Louvre and ride the world’s largest roller coasters without waiting in lines.  From time to time he was summoned (presumably by the Bat signal) to save the world from a zombie apocalypse.

But after he read the New York Times article he decided to see what the rest of this Metaverse had to offer.  He found live events and real people in real time.  He learned he could shop and if he were extremely wealthy or desirous of a divorce he could actually buy virtual property to develop.

I know this all sounds crazy and I admit that I am more than just a little concerned about how technology could potentially jeopardize our grandchildren’s well being.  But I also see how a virtual world could benefit boomers as we continue to age.  In the Metaverse, Seniors could form communities, participate in art, play games and continue to learn.  We could attend live events and even enjoy the sights and sounds of travel.

And I know that sooner rather than later I too will wear a VR headset and fashion my own avatar.  I know I will continue to spend 109 hours a year searching for Garv because not even the Metaverse will stop him from wandering off.

What’s a boomer to do?  Stay curious…even about tech.  And if by chance you should figure out how to open a beer at a Metaverse bar (this ain’t no Studio 54) please leave the instructions in the comments below.  I will pass the info on to Garv. He will appreciate it.

Link to Kashmir Hill’s New York Times article.