Last fall during an open forum held by our city’s Mayor, I made a humble request of our Park Director. I asked if programs could be added to appeal to those of us over 50. He publically assured me that his team would make a “concentrated effort” to add programs for my age group. Then he proudly announced that six new pickleball courts were recently installed at one of our parks.

Having just read the latest issue of my park’s Fun Guide, I am revisiting that night in my memory. Was the lighting in the conference room that harsh? Did I not sleep well the night before? Did I borrow my mother’s lavender Alfred Dunner polyester, elastic waistband pants to wear that night? I don’t know what exactly, but something I said or did evidently prompted the Park Director to jot in his notepad: “Note to self: plan park programs for senior citizens.”

True to his word, there is a section in the guide titled “50 or Better”. After a quick review it is obvious “concentrated efforts” focused more on the “Better” side of “50 or Better”.

Here are some of the programs being offered.

 Lunch & Learn: Cremation –Join us for lunch as we discuss the growing popularity of cremation.

Yikes! No thanks. While I don’t want to tempt fate, I assume I have another twenty years or so before I need to pre-plan my funeral. And if I asked my boss for an extended lunch hour to learn about cremation it would likely give her pause to consider my long term commitment to the company.

Tai Chi is offered from 10 – 11 am on Mondays and Wednesdays. Or, you may enroll in Beginning Line Dancing , held from 2:30-3:30 pm on Fridays. Oh but for that pesky 40 hour work thing again.

But, here is my favorite offering.

 Driver’s Safety Course – A refresher course for those drivers 50+ to stay safe on the roads. Learn about current road rules, vehicle operation and age appropriate adjustments. 12 – 4pm

“Current road rules”?   This is a four hour class? That’s 2 hours longer than the driving portion of my high school driver’s ed class! Does the green light no longer mean go? Do you still need to stop when a school bus stops? Maybe they discuss round-a-bouts, but it’s been my experience that drivers of all ages make a major navigational mess of those!

“Vehicle operation?” This isn’t that “hands on the steering wheel at 10 and 2” rule again is it? Has basic vehicular operations changed that much since I was in my 40’s? Although, I confess it would be nice to learn how to blindly trust my car when it takes control of the breaks to go into automatic skid control.

“Age appropriate adjustments” would entail what exactly!? The only age appropriate adjustment I need to learn is how to extricate my grandchild from a NASA engineered and approved moon landing car seat in under 15 minutes. Now, that would be extremely helpful and likely take up most of the four hours of the class.

I am not angry with our Parks Department and was slightly amused by their perception of what their “50 or Better” constituents want. Those young whippernappers do a great job of programming for kids and families. They manage the Farmer’s Market and arrange a good line up of bands for the Amp After Dark concerts. But seriously…a lunch and learn about cremation?

What’s a boomer to do?

Does your Park Department offer solid programs with boomers in mind? I would love to hear about them and maybe pass them on to a Park Director I know.