Garv and I recently celebrated our thirty-ninth anniversary. No one can stay married this long without accepting each other’s idiosyncrasies.

Some couples are annoyed by spousal back seat driving, over-spending on shoes, or crappy television preferences. Oh…wait…that’s our list. But two of our constant mutual irritations have morphed into games in which we both strive for mastery.

In our first week of marriage, we didn’t argue about sex, checkbook balancing, or whether or not to buy a dog. We argued about trash. Turns out, Garv preferred the trash to be emptied when it barely reached the top of the waste basket. I preferred the mound method.

Initially he reacted to my trash mounding in various ways, always pointing out that he unknowingly married a trash slob. I always responded by rolling my eyes at him.

I’m not sure when in the marriage this happened, but at some point the trash became, and remains, our own little reverse game of Jenga.  Usually he empties the trash long before a mound can form. But sometimes he cannot resist his competitive spirit and the game is on!  Internally, the dialogue goes as follows as the trash tower grows and begins to lean off center.

Garv: “I’ll see your Girl Scout cookie box and raise you a salsa container.”

Me: “I’ll see your container and raise you a Peter Pan peanut butter jar.”

Garv: “I’ll see your jar and raise you a milk jug-a gallon milk jug!”

At his point, he thinks,

“There’s no way she can put even a paper towel in this basket without knocking it over. I am going to win this round.”

On occasion I am left without a counter move and I take out the trash. But usually, as long as coffee grounds aren’t involved, I rise to the challenge. I successfully tuck a cottage cheese container at the heap’s perimeter without dumping the trash onto the floor.

And you know what? This game of reverse “Trash Jenga” makes me smile every time I place an item on the growing heap! This is true marital intimacy, plus I have wicked piling skills. Over the years, had we kept score, I would guess I have 1,083 victories vs. his 68.

Before you get all judgey and leave a comment saying “You’re an immature big fat baby who doesn’t deserve a fine husband like Garv,” allow me to give you the rundown of his favorite game. This game also originated in our first week of marriage.

Remember in Top Gun when Maverick says “I feel the need for speed.”? Well in the kitchen, Garv’s motto is “There’s no tedium in medium.”

This game involves him lowering whatever temperature I’ve set on the stove or oven. And I swear this is true-he boils water on medium. Who boils water on medium?

If he is in the kitchen when I am cooking, he will walk by the stove, nonchalantly reach out for the knobs and lower the heat setting. I’ve caught him in this act hundreds of times but I’m certain his ‘adjustments’ have frequently gone unnoticed. I often find myself checking the cooking temps just to make sure I haven’t been caught unaware that we are in mid-game. Overall, Garv is likely winning this little sport by about 300 points.

If ever invited to our home for a six o’clock dinner, ask who is cooking. If it’s Garv, don’t worry about being on time-dinner will likely not be ready until six forty five. And, if during your visit, you need to throw something away, know that we always empty the trash before we entertain.

What’s a boomer to do? The next time you empty your trash can, ponder this quote from Bill Moyers. “Creativity is piercing the mundane to find the marvelous.”