Because we used to hang out on Saturday nights, I need to say a good bye and thank you to Mary Tyler Moore.

The central message of The Mary Tyler Moore Show was about female empowerment and independence, but I most cherished the messages about female interdependence. Mary and Rhoda taught me a good deal about friendship and about having and being a bestie.

When besties first meet there is a soulful recognition.

Mary and Rhoda meet in the initial episode of the MTMS and are instantly at odds, arguing over who should get the studio apartment. Before Rhoda leaves, this dialogue promises that they are destined to become besties.

Mary: “You know what? In spite of everything, you’re really a pretty hard person to dislike.”

 Rhoda: “I know what you mean. I’m having a hard time hating you too. We’ll both have to work on it.”

Spark. Chemistry. Kismet. The minute they meet, besties just…know.

Being a bestie is a ‘big responsibility’.

In another episode, Rhoda tells the newsroom Mary’s secret. Mary lied on her application and did not have a college degree. Mary and Rhoda have a fight and don’t talk for a week. As the newsroom gang tries to get Mary and Rhoda to reconcile, Georgette and Rhoda have a conversation.

Georgette: People need best friends

Rhoda: OK, you’ll be my best friend. OK?

Georgette: Oh I don’t think so Rhoda. I don’t think I could handle a big responsibility like that. (Big laughs from the audience here) 

 First I’d have to start with someone easier, and then after I got some experience, then maybe I could be your best friend. But right now, I’m a little green for you.

 At the end of the week Rhoda and Mary apologize and hug. Rhoda says,

“You know I know we’ve made up because I’m hungry. That lump in my stomach has become air. You wanna go out and get something to eat?”

True besties know one another’s weaknesses, secrets and dark sides.  There are times when being a bestie requires some heavy lifting. There are also times when besties must apologize, hug and chow down together.

Besties are often very different from one another.

In Rhoda the Beautiful, Rhoda has reached her goal to lose twenty pounds. But she confesses that she still feels, less than. Mary takes Rhoda to a full length mirror, stands behind her and says,

 “Forget you’re Rhoda who does a lot of put downs about herself and just look at yourself like a stranger.”

Rhoda: “Mary, you know something? This is gonna sound silly, but I had no idea the whole look was, you know, so right. The figure. The hair. Oh, that’s you!”

In my life, I have had five besties and in each dynamic duo, I have been the Rhoda to their Mary. My besties, like Rhoda’s, have all been classier, smarter, prettier, thinner and kinder than I. I’ve been the bestie with impossibly fair skin and the big nose. The bohemian, the creative, the mouthy one who, at times, could make a Mary laugh.

In most bestie duos, there seems to be a Mary and a Rhoda. And together, they do seem to “make it after all”.

I will never forget your smile Ms. Moore.  Thank you for being such great company on Saturday nights.

What’s a boomer to do?  Cherish friendship and if you don’t already have one, search for your Mary or Rhoda.