10. We shop for bathing suits. After seeing the horror in the dressing room mirror we’re thankful to have a couple more months to lose our winter weight gain.
9. On March 10th we trick Mother Nature by advancing our clocks an hour. The pros and cons of this maneuver cause great debate among Midwesterners.
8. We attend clandestine parties to kick off the new season of Bravo’s RHONY.
7. We eat an embarrassing number of brown eggs. These are specialty free-range brown eggs with labels identifying their place of origin as Cadbury or Reese’s.
6. We buy vegetable and flower seeds. (Midwesterners are very optimistic folk. The sun will come out tomorrow kind of folk.)
5. When behind the wheel of our cars we play a game that is the antithesis of ‘Whack a Mole’. It is a nerve wracking, high stakes, you better win game we like to call ‘Dodge the Potholes.’
4. On March 17th we embrace our shamrocks and become Irish for a day. We eat fish and chips, drink green beer and shed a tear as bagpipes play ‘Danny Boy’. Sometimes if we have had enough green beer we do a little jig.
3. On March 20th, we celebrate the arrival of the spring equinox by reviewing our tornado readiness plans. (Sigh)
2. We become obsessed with brackets. This year we just hope Cinderella can miraculously make it to the ‘Big Dance’. (It’s an NCAA Big Ten thang.)
And the #1 way Midwesterners survive March?
We go to Florida.
What’s a boomer to do? Just hang in there…warmer weather is right around the polar vortex bend!
