A childhood friend of mine recently made the cover of Time magazine. It seems she’s had some “work done”. I would still recognize her by her long, platinum blonde hair and blue eyes. But her face has changed with plumper cheeks and a softer chin. One could describe my aging face in the same manner, but she flat out wears it better. I can’t help noticing that her bust is smaller or maybe it just looks that way due to her expanded waistline. And her derriere? Well, as most of us over fifty can attest, her new bottom line will not age well.

I was sad to discover the cover photo credit did not belong to Annie Leibovitz;  she does a magnificent job capturing the essence of cultural legends. Perhaps Time asked her, but she declined in order to stay clear of the controversy constantly swirling around Barbie. The controversy stems from a theory that Barbie has the power to plant a seeds in little girls’ minds that self-worth lies in a small waist, large breasts and straight, blonde hair. If these seeds take root, it may cause a young girl to see herself as worthless when she discovers she cannot attain physical perfection.

Well, if nothing else Barbie has expanded the definition of plastic surgery.  I find it a little sad and ironic that ultimately she caved to pressure, altering herself to better align with society’s definition of beauty.   And wasn’t that the crux of the original controversy?

For several years I spent nearly all of my free time with Barbie. But, as sometimes happens with childhood friends, we drifted apart. I needed to meet new friends and expand my world. Barbie was happy with her life just the way it was. So we went our separate ways with no ill feelings and I always held a deep appreciation for our friendship.

I only saw her once decades after we stopped playing together. I was shopping with my then five year old daughter, Kate. I introduced Kate to Barbie thinking she would be as enamored by Barbie’s charm as I had once been. But she was unimpressed and a little rude to my friend. She rushed our reunion and insisted Barbie and I say our good-byes. Kate was on a quest to find some My Little Ponies.

I guess I must have forgotten to water any seeds Barbie may, or may not have planted in my subconscious because I don’t think anything took root. I don’t recall ever intentionally missing a meal, or trying to make one reappear. Instead of stilettos, I preferred Frye boots. Instead of wishing for Bab’s long, lean legs I was perfectly content with the muscles in my thighs because they often helped me be the first to touch the wall at swim meets. I will admit I did date and eventually married a guy who closely resembled Barbie’s friend Ken; so I may have been victim to that subliminal message.

I read the Time article and considered the debate over how much toys affect a child’s view of the world. Holding the magazine up to eye level, I asked, out loud, “Barbie, did you plant any seeds in my subconscious?” .  After a few minutes of crazy mind ‘over-think’, I identified three seeds she must have sown in my little mind way back in the day.

Seed #1 – Appreciate and take care of what you own.

I did not have an extensive Barbie wardrobe and I would carefully put her clothes and accessories into a case after I finished playing. I knew failure to do so nearly guaranteed that my seventy pound German Shepherd would find and destroy an item. This could have left Barbie with one pink stiletto and one sneaker…and not even Barbie could rock that look.

Twenty years later I remembered this lesson. When my husband and I brought home our first puppy, I knew to put my shoes in a place where the dog had no access. Garv did not learn this lesson until after our puppy destroyed several of his favorite shoes.

Seed #2 – “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find-you get what you need.”

I embraced this philosophy a full 5 years before Mick Jagger and Keith Richards enlightened the rest of my generation.

What I wanted was a fully furnished Barbie Dream House. What I needed was to stretch my creative muscle and build my own doll furniture. Using paint, material, glue and skillful cutting, an oatmeal box could be transformed into a table. An upside down tissue box made a great foundation for a bed.   And, particularly memorable, a hammock made from a mesh tangerine bag could accommodate my dolls and my friends’ dolls as they lounged together in the shade of a small tree in my front yard.

This lesson has served me particularly well. Over the years what I have wanted was evidently not the same as what I needed. For example:

What I wanted was to marry James Taylor. What I needed was to marry Garv.

What I wanted was to continue to live in the city. What I needed was to move to the ‘burbs.

What I wanted was a hunter green Jaguar XJE convertible with tan leather interior. What I needed was a “mom van”.

In the end, getting what you need usually works for the greater good.

Seed #3 – When you interact with others, look them directly in the eyes.

To be honest I found my first Barbie doll a little off-putting. She did not smile. Her eyes, heavily lined in black, were always looking a bit off to the side. This glance made her seem to be a little bored with my company and on the lookout for a more suitable friend.

When Midge joined the clique, with softer make-up, and a rounder, freckled, smiling face, I tended to leave indifferent looking Barbie in the case. Midge seemed interested in becoming my friend because her eyes looked straight into my own. To me, Midge represented the fun friend, the friend you do things with, laugh with and in whom you confide.

I learned eye contact is an essential part of communication, love and friendship.

I will always think of Barbie as a dear old friend of mine. And Babs, if you are reading this, may I offer you one little bit of advice? Girl, you need to start doing some serious daily lunges to keep your derriere that high and mighty.

So what’s a boomer to do?

If you are lucky enough to have children in your life, worry less about the possible subliminal messages of their toys and more about their self-worth. Let them see your eyes smiling when you meet. Make sure their home is safe and they have what they need. Help them unearth their talents. Believe in, pray for and love them.  And, if you can teach them how to believe in, pray for and love themselves you have created your own legacy.